Too Many Shades of Grey


So my thought for this week is one I have had tumbling through my head for some time. Maybe years, maybe longer, but I think it is important to consider all the same, for all participating elements  herein.

I feel the importance of the sexual world, to all our lives is profound. It is, in my eyes, the most powerful personal act you can share with another person, or persons. It is the key to your lock. It is the horse power in your drive, but it can also be the crash before you brake! It is how we share our deepest desires, loves, dislikes and passions. It can be a blessing, the touch from a god, or it can be the death of your personal self.

Many believe, or like to make themselves believe that sex is only one small part of a relationship. If you are only speaking of sex in a body wrapping, lip locking tongue tying event, then this view could be, not only possible, but plausible. But, if you look at sex as the overall interaction of passion, touch, holding, control, pain, love, distraction and need that grows in all of us daily, it then becomes so much more.

Books of the recent past; “Fifty Shades of Grey”, and the like have cross contaminated the lines between two very different worlds, held within the sexual and physical realm. It has also, for the first time, allowed many people/s to catch a glimpse of a world tightly guarded and hidden, for good reason, from an unsuspecting populous. Is it safe to say that S&M is merely an extension of rough sex? Or, is it safe to call sex the gateway to S&M? Does everyone crave, need or desire the express reasons for the world of sadomasochism ?

“*Noun The combination of  sadistic *1a and masochistic*1b elements in one person, characterized by both aggressive and submissive periods in relationships with others”.
*1a Adjectivepertaining to or characterized by sadism; deriving pleasure or sexual gratification from extreme cruelty”.
*1b Adjective gratified by pain, degradation, deprivation, etc., inflicted on oneself either by one’s own actions or the actions of others.”

After reading the reviews of “Fifty Shades of Grey, from those who had not previously been introduced to the world of S&M, the opinions were at least, if not more so then the name of the book/s; fifty and more opinions. What about the people who still only desire the sensual, physical and arousing experience of sexual contact, for the reason/s of sexual contact? Now, they have this new bit of information in their lives. It has now affected them and they may, like many I know personally be confused to the origin of S&M. Does it have to apply to them? Do they change their whole understanding of sexual expression due to this new information, now brought to the world. Or do they sit quietly wondering what all this means? Is it possible there could be a third side to the new understanding/s of sex and pleasure? In what is now a very black and white realm, maybe something in the middle would help those, who are new to this information, find a new way to balance their understandings of the situation. Lets just go ahead and add the Grey.

As I mentioned above, this is something that has been on my mind for same time, even before the printing of Fifty Shades, I was once taught about the need of balance in all our lives. Taught that S&M was a path for those who lived in  world significantly unbalanced  due to their own life choices. A path to help them back to standing half in the light, half in the dark, but not being corrupted by either side in overdose. As it stands now, I meet people every day who are terribly confused to the darkness now laid out before them, and not in very well managed terms, rules and ways.

In a recent conversation between my wife and myself, I have come to my own conclusion of our new black and white reality. I find a need, for many, not only myself, the need for a better understanding of sexual expression. In my own path, I hope you can all follow, this is how I see the world and choices around me. On one side, we have what most people understand as physical sensual contact, mostly in the idea of light; sex.  On the other end, a new medium drenched in the dark and unexacting loss of understanding; S&M. Now for hose out there who seem to be confused, fearful and maybe a bit upset by this new flash of darkness on your life, there can be something in the middle; Dark Sexual Play or DSP. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like change as much as most people of our race, but this topic seems to have upset a balance that has stood for some time, and needs better explanation to many around the world. All light without darkness. All darkness without the light. No middle ground. The very concept of all or nothing is not one many people can swallow easily. It leaves a bad taste in our mouth, our lives, our understandings and our sense of truth. Many are just fine with the complete world of black and white, but I am just the author of this, how do you feel?

Is there a reasonable place for a third option in our expanding sexual lives, understandings and ideas? Should there be something in the middle to fill in the gaps of light and dark? Or, should we stay with the world we already have; sex and sadomasochism? I leave this one up to you. The readers and thinkers of the world. Those who openly explore their lives, and those who hide in the shadows, unable or unwilling to step fully into the dark. Would you be more comfortable with DSP before going “all in” or should I leave this one alone?


2 thoughts on “Too Many Shades of Grey

  1. doris

    Always and forever somewhere in the middle…. I would not light, with no darkness, nor would I want darkness without light… Love your writings Elisha…. you are ever so aware…!!


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