A Double-Sided Dagger

It had been three days since I had been bound used and fucked. I had started to make friends, and I knew I was going to love my new school. I still could not bring myself to call home and speak to my father. I knew my mother had no idea about anything so I was not about to talk to her, but I found myself wondering around the university, and city wondering what had really happened two nights ago. I knew what I had been told. I knew my silver lining as it were was something only an intense experience could bring about, but I also knew all the sex, torture and pain had been about something else entirely. I knew I was going to want more, and when I did, would I have or even want control over it? Could I go back to being the same person who had come here simply looking for something I was now able to understand? I had not noticed that I had walked right past my dorm and back into the meadow. I had taken some time the day I arrived to walk around a bit, but this expanse of grass had caught me off guard. I had not expected to find this much open space in such a large city area. Though, there was an even larger expanse of park to the East of the school, Holyrood Park. I wanted to be away from people, the rest of the day, if I could.

My classes today had been more of the normal, for a first week in school. My father, had lectured me about how college worked long before I was in it for myself. I knew better then to allow myself to fall behind on my work, but I also knew the challenging stuff would not come for a few week in. The breeze was cool, and I could smell the sea not far off. There were not too many people about and I was free to lie in the grass and enjoy the clouds above me. I wish I had realized how warm it was going to be today, when I dressed for my day. I was wearing jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. It was much warmer here then the Internet had said when I was researching my new home. I would have liked to be in a sundress, not jeans, but I had not brought any with me. My body was not as I would like, but I could not complain either. I am five feet two inches tall with reddish brown hair. I have the natural curves of a woman in the nineteen thirties. I have always wanted a smaller frame, but then what woman is completely happy with the way they look? As it is today, my breasts were like the rest of me, itching for something sexual, but not knowing exactly what I wanted. When I had been tied up a few nights back, I had never been hit before. That being said, I have to admit I liked it much more then I would have wanted to admit before it happened. I had once read a book with something called S&M in the title, but my mother had taken it from me saying it was only from the devil. I knew there were people out there who liked being hurt, so there must be those who like doing the hurting. It had never occurred to me this would ever be mixed with sex, but now, I felt trapped between two worlds.

On one hand, I was still the girl from Cincinnati Ohio USA, who only wanted to explore her world and find understanding in the past. But, there was also this new woman emerging under the first. She knew the darker world now existed in reality; not only old stories and she also had tasted the sweet touch of pain and orgasm. She wanted the extra part the younger girl had no idea existed. I felt as if I were straddling a beam of wood. On one side the world nice, normal and ready to catch me. On the other, a whip, blindfold and screams to fill my nights. I had found my way to the school of my choice, but it had taken my two years to choose it. I looked up to the sky and wondered how long it would take me to make this decision? I had not noticed someone coming up from behind me till they spoke and almost scared me to death.

“Kendal? Are you interested in some company?”

I climbed off my back to look at the young man who had spoken to me. I could not remember his name, but knew he was another exchange student from the states. I had not wanted company, but maybe this would turn out to be a good thing.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I beg your pardon, you re Kendal, right? You and I are in the same English class this term. I was wondering if you would like some company? My name is Thomas Shore, I am from San Francisco California.”

“Yes, please take a seat. How did you come to Edinburgh for college?”

He sat down next to me, though he did seem a bit shy. I could have lain down and not touched him he was so far away. He obviously had no problems in making his presence known, but I could not decide if he was interested in me because I was a girl, or because I was from the states. I must admit, he was quite nice to look at. Short dark brown hair, a strong face, no facial hair, thank god. A slender build and nicely managed muscles on the arms at any rate. He was wearing jeans, just as I was, but he did not seem as uncomfortable. I tried to look happy to have company, but in all honestly, I would have liked him better if he had just left me alone.

“I could not help bing interested in you from class. You seem to be the only other American here beside myself. Don’t get me wrong, I did not expect the school to be filled with us, but a few more would have made this easier.”

“I don’t understand, why would you come to school this far from home if you wanted to be around other American’s? I came here because they had a program of study I am interested in and because I hopped I would be the only American here.”

“It would seem then, that you are happier then I am with your choices in schools.”

I could not imagine wanting to be surrounded with more of the ignorant jerks I was use to in high school, but then I chose to come her on my own terms, I was starting to realize that was not the case for Thomas. When I did not respond to his last statement, he looked at the ground as if trying to come up with something else to say. I knew I could give him a cold shoulder and he would likely leave, but I also knew I had not made many friends yet, and friends are always a commodity to have in life. I sat for another moment and spoke again. I still was in no mood to be bothered, but being polite was not going to kill me.

“Why did you come here? I am guessing from your lack of words this was not your idea. If that is the case, why were your parents so determined to send you so far off for college?”

Again, he said nothing, but he did bring his eyes up to my level and look me straight. I could see he was not use to having to beg for friends, but I still could think of a millions schools closer to home, then this one. Why had he been sent here in the first place?

“My mother is from Edinburgh, and my father attended this school. It is where they met. I was offered a football scholarship to three different school all places where my friends would be attending, but they had decided this for me, a long time ago. I truly do not know why I am here, but tell the truth, I would give anything to simply go home. I can tell you don’t want to be bothered today, would you like me to leave you alone?”

I think he knew the answer to that, as well as I did, but he continued to sit on the grass, obviously hoping I would change my mind. What I wanted was something far harsher then this young man would ever be able to muster, but that again, was not going to happen tonight. The day was bright, the sun shining and though he would not have been my first choice for a companion, I had no one else to talk to so I gave in.

“Honestly I wanted to be alone today, but since we are both here and neither of us know anyone else, I don’t see why we can’t find a way to get to know each other better, if you like?”

“I would like to have one person I know here, but I am really not in the mood to simply sit. Would you be against going for a walk, and not staying here in the park?”

“I don’t see why not, do you have anywhere in particular you want to walk too, or do you just want to be more active?”

He took a breath and seemed to only be able to smile in response. WE both go to our feet and when I had collected my things from the ground, he surprised me by offering to carry them for me. I don’t think any boy has ever offered to carry my books for me till now, though I was more then happy to carry them for myself. We set off in the direction that would take us back into a maze of tightly woven buildings. The streets here were very different then the ones back in Cincinnati. There were buildings on both sides, give and take two to three stories tall. Mostly shops in the bottoms, but living apartments above gave way to more building being built on both sides of the street. This must be an old part of the city. I knew there were skyscrapers of glass and stone on the other side of town. To my surprise, Thomas a good person to talk to, he knew quite a bit about the area, being that his parents had met here. His mother had been from a highborn family, though you would never know it from looking at him. His father had been a lucky American who had fallen in love with the right girl in college. They were both attorney’s back in the states, and this was the first time he had to Edinburgh since he was a young child.

As we walked he told me more and more of his family. It would seem, that like my own father, they had many things that were never spoken of; like he had not known his mother was high born till a week ago when he had been left here to fend for himself. He had only been given a weeks notice to say good bye to his friends. He had thought he would be going to UCLA, and at the last minute they dropped on him that he would be leaving the country for college. As things went, I would have been more then pissed at my family, if they had done something like this to me, but he seemed to be taking it rather well. The afternoon wound on and by the time the sun was going down, I think it was safe to say, he knew almost everything about me, and I him. We had stopped and had dinner in a local pub. It was odd to know we could both have drinks with our meals, one more reason I was not going to argue about living here. My father had brought me up having a respect for well-made beer and since I was legal here, I was going to enjoy myself. We spent a bit more time in the pub then we had expected too, but by the time we left, I was a bit past drunk, and he looked as if he may just curl up in the street and die. I could not help but to giggle, it had not occurred to me till this moment that he may never have had alcohol till tonight. From what he had told me about his family, it would not surprise me.

I was almost walking for us both by the time I got us back to the dorms for first years. I had forgotten till we reached his floor that the dorms were coed and I was not going to have to walk further to find my own bed, after I left him to his. While standing at his door, waiting for him to find the key he did give me a bit of a surprise. He was leaning on me, trying not to fall and decided to use my lips for more support. I did not know if I should smack him, or kiss him back, but before I could make up my mind, he found the key opened his door and we both fell into his room. As he landed on me, I could feel on part of him not completely out of order. It brought a since of need and desire to the surface, I had not been expecting. My nipples hardened, the hairs on my naval stood on end and I gave in to anything he may have wanted to try.

I was the first to slide my tongue into his mouth, though he was not far behind. As my blouse and bra fell to the floor, I started to wonder if he had been drunk at all. More and more he seemed to find his senses, and more and more I found strong firm hands on my hips, breasts and ass. Since this is all I had wanted in two days, I was not about to argue but, when he tried to pin me to the wall and push his cock into me, I realized this boy had known what he was doing from the moment he sat on the grass next to me earlier today. I found my hands forced behind me, his hot drunken breath panting on my face and a feeling of overall disgust for everything Thomas. I had liked being slapped and used in the cave, but knowing this is all he had wanted from the very beginning, brought something very dark and very evil to my surface. I felt something change from deep within, and when he thought he had all the right cards in his hands; I decided to show him otherwise. My knee found his overly swollen cock, and I saw him fall to the floor with a bit of rage of his own splashed over his face. Looking down, I realized he must have done this little trick often back home, but now, he had a woman who was more then willing to take all the control from him, and break his little will.

“So, I am guessing you thought you would get me home, fuck me raw and through me out, well Thomas, let me tell you just how badly you fucked up tonight. I don’t think you have enough man in you to give me everything I want. I don’t think you have enough balls in you to take what I want to give you and since I am in no mood to waste a second more of my time on a foolish little boy like you, I think I am going to simply take my leave. Good night!”

While he was still on the floor, I gave him a good kick to his cock and balls, once again. He rolled into a ball and whined as my foot felt his cock crunch between it and the hard wooden floor. I knew he was past the point of anger, but I found a need for something far worse then the sex, he obviously wanted tonight. The growing need to only hurt him grew within my depths and as it did so, I felt the same thing now as when I found my silver lining a few days back. Only this time it tore a good bit more then me being used. I knew I could hurt him. Kew I could make him scream and knew this little boy from back home would have no idea how to retaliate later on. As I stood over him I could only smile at the pain and humiliation I was causing him. Never before had I wanted to be so mean to any one person, but now, seeing how I was supposed to be the prey tonight, and not the beast, I could not bring myself to feel any pity for him. I picked up my bra and blouse, slapped his face as I was bent over and made sure he caught my eyes when I spoke to him.

“You just remember this night the next time you think you can hurt and use a woman. You remember my foot and your silly cock; do you hear me you little shit? If I find out you have tried this stunt with another girl, I will break your cock off and shove it up your ass! You are nothing! You will never be anything and you will never attempt this again, will you?”

I could see he was starting to truly fear the woman he had chosen to use this night. I could see a bit of reality shinning in his eyes, but not enough to bring me back to feeling human. I kicked him again, on my way out the door, only this time I kicked his face. I knew I had made my point when he could not get off the floor to keep me from leaving. There were other students in the hall when I opened the door to leave. Another girl I had seen in class was walking by, and as she saw him on the floor, made a point to smile and laugh, at his expense. I could only imagine he had tried something like this on her and she had not allowed it to go this far. Silly little boy thinking because he played sports back home, that he would be able to get away with this shit here. I closed the door, and she stopped to talk to me.

“So I see you did not like the game he was trying to play? Well he tried it with me, his first night here and I thought I had made it clear to him, that was not how a man treats a woman, not in this part of the world anyway. I hope he did not hurt you, I would hate to have to kill him!”

“No worry there, I think he got quite a bit more then he had expected tonight. I believe you and I have a class together, my name is Kendal.”

“Amy, Amy Stine, nice to meet you Kendal. Are you from the states like the ass you just left?”

“Yea, only I was the one who wanted to come here, he told me this was not his idea, maybe he thinks the women here will put up with his shit, maybe not now.”

We both laughed as we walked down the hall towards the stair leading to the upper floors and my room. Amy was the kind of woman I would like to get to know better, but when I got to my own door, she smiled at me, wished me good night, and told me she would look forward to classes tomorrow. I had just shut my door when there was a knock, a part of me hopped Amy had changed her mind, and maybe wanted to get to know me better, but when I opened the door, the woman on the other side, smiling was not my new friend Amy. It was Trinay’a, and her smile brought the dark within me back to the surface. I opened the door and stepped to the side inviting her in. She was not alone, and when she and another man were both in my room, I closed the door again. I had hoped the other man may be one from the other night, but this was someone I had not met yet. I only had one chair in my room, but I offered it to Trinay’a, she took a seat while the man and I both took a seat on my bed. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to have her hurt me, but I also wanted something more. Her smile did not fade, though I knew everything I wanted I would not be getting tonight.

“It would seem you have had an interesting night Kendal. Did you enjoy hurting him so much? I would have thought you would have been a bit less hard on the boy, but maybe you are further along then we had thought a few nights ago?”

My mouth fell open when I realized everything that had happened tonight had been by their hand. I feared I had just destroyed a boy who had not planed to use or hurt me, but then He did seem to enjoy himself till I took back my control. I was still confused by her words, but only a bit. I knew my actions were my own, I also knew something had opened in me a few nights back and whatever it was, was now making a play at my own life.

“Why do I get the feeling you had a hand in planning this day out? Did Thomas have any free will in anything, or was it all done without his authority?”

“Kendal, you seem to think we can just make a grown boy do whatever we want. Now what would give you an idea like that? You knew what happened to you last eek was planned from your birth, but this silly boy has nothing to do with us. We only watched your events today, and I must say you seem to be holding a double-sided dagger in you hands. Would you not agree?”

“I have no idea what you mean, but I also don’t feel a bit bad for what I did to him. If I had not, I am sure I would have been rapped tonight. I can only imagine you would have allowed that to take place, had I not stopped him?”

“Of course we would have. We are not here to be your protectors, or guardians. We re here to make sure you learn what path it is you are supposed to take. If you find yourself in a foolish situation, then that is by your own hand, or in the least by the lack of your doing anything to avoid it. I think you behaved exactly the way many other women would have did you not get the same feeling from Amy only a few minutes ago? It was clear, if you had been willing to open your mouth and not simply be quite, you would have had much more fun with her tonight.”

No part of me had been waiting for anything today. Now I had Trinay’a telling me they were going to watch me, my every step and only make sure I went the way I was supposed to? What in the hell did that mean? I felt my blood boil and I knew this was also exactly what she wanted to happen. Was I only to be a puppet while I attended school here? Would they ever give me any real answers, or would I have to simply stumble on alone in the dark?

“You know dear, for someone who gets such good grades in school, you don’t pay very good attention. I just told you, you should have told Amy what you wanted. And now you sit there only thinking what you want to know, not asking. Just a suggestion, you know, if you ever want or need us all you have to do is ask. Good night dear, and do try to ask questions with your lips, not your mind. There are very few people in the world today who can read your thoughts, and none of them are likely to give you answers you do not ask for properly.”

She and the man, who had said nothing got to their feet and walked to the door. When they were about to leave, I decided to do as she had said.

“What is all this about? What path do you want me on, and why?”

“I would think the path is simple, but since you asked, I will tell you. Your path is a dark one. It is why you came to this school. It is why you took so much enjoyment from your abuse the other night and it is why you will continue looking for pleasures in the shadows. As for what this is all about, ell dear, all this is about you realizing what you truly are, where you belong and the why is because we are just like you and want you to find understanding? Is there anything else you would like to know, or do you only want a good hard fuck and abuse?”

I knew what I wanted to say, knew what I truly wanted, but as always feared opening my mouth. They walked out the door, both smiling at me, and right before they left, then man came back in, grabbed me by the hair, slammed me on the wall and tore off my blouse and bra. He turned me around, slapped my face, slapped my tits and pushed his hand down my paints. I did not mean to come so hard so fast, but this was everything I had been wanting for days. The only problem was, when I cam, he stopped, withdrew his hands and lovingly kissed my lips. Then he turned walked out of the room and down the hall with Trinay’a. I was left in my room, panting, and wanting more. My face was red, I could barely breath and I felt a bit more used then before, but I had found my first real answer. I now knew I was very different then the others around me. I now knew they were always going to be watching and though it was not for my safety, something about knowing they were out there, gave me a sense of peace.

I removed the last bit of my clothing. Climbed into bed and tried to think about my life before this as I fell to darkness. How could I be so different? Why was coming her starting to feel more like a need then a want and what was I going to have to go through to find out?

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